Dispatches 17 December 2000

Those rare select few who got the early section last week would have noticed that In the Mix was on a Veterans' Day hiatus. But the music section is back, in its rightful hefty bulk.

COLLEGE IS FUN

In the spirit of everyone in the media, I suppose I will have to mention the elections. As I write this, everything's up for grabs – Florida, New Mexico, blue light specials at the local K-Mart – though it might be settled by the time this goes into print. One thing seems certain, though. The new President will probably have worse musical taste than the outgoing one. Just think about it. Clinton shares the last name as P-Funk lead George. Bush is just the name of a weak British band that wants to sound like it comes from Seattle. And Al Gore '69 shares the same last name as… um, that woman who made record companies stick Parental Advisory warning labels on objectionable records. Oh yeah, Tipper.

Okay, that was unfair. Gore shares a last name with Martin Gore, the main songwriter in Depeche Mode, who was responsible for "Blasphemous Rumours" and "Personal Jesus" – whatever would Tipper think? (Hmm. WWTT. That's a good one.) More ominously, though, he shares it with Lesley Gore, singer of "It's My Party." And we all know the refrain don't we? You would cry too if it happened to you…

BUSH

GORE

JUST DON'T GIVE A F***

Headline that would be vastly improved by removing the last three words: "Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears and Celine Dion to Fight it Out At AMA Awards." Speaking of fighting, Eminem just created his own online animated show – check out www.slimshadyworld.com for the first episode. And if you haven't heard, Eminem lost a journal containing lyrics on a flight. Apparently the journal has a picture of Britney Spears on the front. Does a cheese-pop loving fan reside behind his hard-as-nails exterior? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

UN, DOS, TRES

Instead of revelling in semi-obscurity, this week's issue of the Crimson actually reviews probably the two big albums of the week, the new Offspring and Ricky Martin. Stumper of the week: how do you say "She Bangs" in Spanish? But now we enter into the end-of-year silly season, where all the big albums tend to be greatest-hits compilations (Blur), live albums (Neil Young, Elton John, Alice in Chains), cover albums (Rage Against the Machine) or, worse yet, Christmas albums (hello, Ms Aguilera!). Although, of course, there are exceptions. Next Tuesday Backstreet's back. Alright.

CONCERT NEWS

This is the slow season for concerts, which might explain why any semi-famous person is selling out shows… Paul Simon I completely understand. The Mighty Mighty Bosstones I can see too – it's their hometown after all. But Bruce Hornsby?

But They Might Be Giants, the IOP's fave band, are playing tomorrow at Avalon. More stumpers: how do I sing like a girl? And why did Constantinople get the works?

Tickets went on sale two days ago for the December 7 Bangles-Dido concert at the Orpheum. Speaking of which, the Bounce trailer (RealVideo) with Dido's "Here With Me" playing in the background is manipulative but deadly effective. Perfect match between the demographics for the song and the show, and the lines are killer. Everytime Ben Affleck says "I don't have a last call for the day" someone in my various TV-watching groups invariably says "I don't have a last call either" and we all go into a whine…

Hmm. When a music column has to talk about politics and movies, it's time to leave. Have a good Thanksgiving break.