Dispatches 23 February 2001   FROLICKING IN THE AUTUMN MIST Hmm. Either Puffy had the gun or he didn't. Either way, the obvious winner is... VH-1. If he wins the court case, this saga becomes part of Behind the Music. If he loses, wait a while and he becomes a Where Are They Now? So, in honor of Puffy, I think I'll bring back the 80s: "Puffy got a gun / Puffy got a gun / His whole world's come undone / From lookin' straight at the sun / What did P-Diddy do?" (Okay, I admit "Puffy allegedly got a gun" would have been more accurate, but that doesn't fit into the lyrical scheme. And yes, the events happened at night so the bit about the sun wouldn't be right either. Ah, screw it.)   VIRULENTLY EBULLIENT Joy of joys! Eudemony of eudemonies! Bjork announced that her new album will come out on May 21. It's now tentatively renamed Vespertine, which leads of course to the question: since when did they name albums after SAT words? "Vespertine: Of or pertaining to the evening; coming, occurring, or taking place in the evening," says the Oxford English Dictionary. Me, I think it means "very like an Italian scooter." If I ever release an album, I think I'll call it Theriacal. Just for the hell of it.   THREE DOG NIGHT For the person who wanted to know the answer to the question posed a few weeks before: HMV stands for His Master's Voice, a reference to their original logo of a dog listening to a gramophone. They don't use the logo much here in America, but you can see it on www.hmv.co.uk. Oh, and the dog's name is Nipper. There. More useless trivia taking up brain space.   GRAMMY TALK I'm writing this on Tuesday, so I've had no chance to watch the Grammies before this goes into print. My guess is Eminem will get album of the year. What could I say that would really add to the debate? Not much, so I'll focus on the tight competition for Best Polka Album: smart money says it will be either Eddie Blazonczyk's Versatones Another Day At The Office or Jimmy Sturr's Touched By A Polka. Ooh, I can't wait! Which just about sums up my general lack of enthusiasm about the Grammies. How do you respect an organization which thinks "Who Let the Dogs Out?" was one of the best dance songs of last year? In award-related news, nominee Thom Yorke of Radiohead meanwhile has agreed to sing with Bjork at the Oscars. You know for a band that claims to hate the media – and even has a documentary about that hate (Meeting People is Easy) – Radiohead really give a lot of interviews and appear on a lot of shows. Scratch what I said before, I'll call my album "Passive-Aggressive Media Sluts." Actually, my favorite soundtrack song featuring Thom Yorke is the cover of Roxy Music's "Ladytron" that he did as part of Venus in Furs, on the Velvet Goldmine soundtrack.   GO TOGETHER LIKE A HORSE AND CARRIAGE Is nothing sacred? Cruise and Kidman. Meg and Dennis. Now I hear Phylicia Rashad has filed for divorce from Ahmad Rashad. Oh, my shattered childhood. All the good couples are gone. Fortunately, the world of music has never pretended to be wholesome. Not that that stops some musicians from getting hitched -- the trend of beautiful actresses getting married to (fairly nondescript) rock stars continues unabated. Following Kate Hudson's marriage to Chris Robinson, Liv Tyler is getting married to Royston Langdon, lead singer and bassist for Spacehog. (Don't you love just headlines that read "Liv Tyler Engaged To A Spacehog"?) Hmm. Time to start working on that album...