Friday, 2 December 2005

Dream deferred

Was speaking to some colleagues here in Montreal yesterday, and one of them remarked about me, "you're the kind of guy who won't do something to wrong yourself" (okay, I'm translating from the Mandarin) - which was in line with questions on Paths in Life that have been playing in my head the last couple of days. Questions which revolve on what, for me, is a central concern: how does one live a life without regret?

***

Regarding those Big Questions, I shared with the Girlfriend the following, one of my favourite Langston Hughes poems:

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

***

And now, a sample of lyrics of songs I've been singing to myself, because, what the hell, I'll be 18 again and write out lyrics for the sake of writing out lyrics:

still there's not a show on my back
holes or a friendly intervention
i'm just a little bit heiress, a little bit irish
a little bit tower of pisa whenever i see you
so please be kind if i'm a mess [rufus wainwright, cigarettes and chocolate milk]

i heard there was a secret chord
that david played and it pleased the lord
but you don't really care for music, do you?
well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth
the minor fall and the major lift
the baffled king composing hallelujah [jeff buckley, hallelujah]

***

So the past few months have thought me many things. I know who I am, and I know a self in me that will always be my core. And I am at peace, and I have clarity, and I have a song in my heart. (I have a song on my lips too; but that is Reserved Territory.)

Good night, and good luck.



A warm London cafe, a freezing day outside:

"There is
Something about having everything
You think you'll ever need
Sitting in the seat next to you...

And I watch

Another white dash
Another white dash
Another white dash......"

Keep the faith.


You are a fag.


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