The Guide to Blogging Etiquette

Since there's been much talk about blogging properly, here's my easy guide for n00bies on blogging etiquette:
  1. Always bow before you blog.
  2. When you blog, do remember that the knife goes in the right hand, and the fork in the left.
  3. Always end your posts with "thank you, it's been wonderful talking to all of you. Godspeed."
  4. Polite bloggers NEVER use the words "asshat" or "aardvark". Whether "sexy motherf***er" can be said in polite company remains a matter of much contention. Particularly on the question of how to pronounce asterisks.
  5. The proper way to end a first blog is with a little kiss. No tongue.
  6. And, especially, no tongue down there.
  7. Remember, if you forget which keys to use, a simple little memory trick is that you should start from the outside and work your way inside. Hence, posts like "poiuy!" are the height of decorum.
  8. When someone visits your blog, be sure to offer drinks.
  9. If you are a male blogger and said visitor is female, please remember to raise your hat when the visitor enters your blog.
  10. Yes, you must have a hat.
Thank you. It's been wonderful talking to all of you. Godspeed.

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Terrifically funny. I know, I've become a real comment-whore lately, but that post was absolutely hysterical.
Elia Diodati said…
Where's my tea and crumpets? :)
Laughingcow said…
Best. Guide. Ever. You really have everything covered! :p
Indri said…
Snort. That's lovely, and destined to be a classic!
Anonymous said…
Wonderful. I feel a follow-up post on blog-visiting etiquette is necessary to complement this, yes?
mis_nomer said…
Haha! Brilliant!
T-Boy said…
You are obviously wrong, and thus have the morals of a drunken slug!

While the no tongue down there rule is obviously true in most circumstances (such that only the mentally ill and Belgians ignore it to their own peril), you are required to tongue important dignitaries like the Pope down there when they visit.

Failure to commit to this rule will shame your ancestors thrice over, and give you embarassing diseases!
Daryl said…
Oh, of course I know of the Venetian Exception! But standard custom dictates that one's course of action does depend on the phase of the moon, and in any case a common curtsey usually resolves any faux pas.
angeltini said…
Asshat! That was some funny shit! New here.. bookmarked you though, hope you don't mine.

*kisses. But not down there*

you mean asshat as adapted from greg storey?

or did come up with it yourself?

(i think started using 'asshat' a couple of years ago, as far as i know.)

i can't believe i am here trying to delve into the root of 'asshat'.
Daryl said…
Asshat is such a common Internet term - Lord knows I've seen it often on the various forums I'm a member of - and I'm guessing it was a common term pre-Internet, although this might be yet another phrase for the OED to investigate...

And of course I don't mind being bookmarked.
Spirit Fingers said…
Whoa there, cunnilingus and blogging are mutually exclusive? This is not a good day for the sisterhood.
T-Boy said…
You, sir, win the Internet.
Anonymous said…
What's the big deal with this post?!
Kinda lame.

Oh well.

I'm outa here.

Just wanted to add my kudos. Very funny.
And, it's made the commenters come out, too...
Anonymous said…
what the fuck

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